Yogyakarta, October 2013
Start the morning with reciting The Quran. Reading tumblr, wordpress, facebook, kompas and the economist every afternoon before my French class started. Create transportation planning for Yogyakarta-Surakarta for tackling congestion to save people time for another essential. Creating idea on how infrastructure could enhance economic development on both cities. This is what I dream actually. I do it everyday. But why I am feeling empty… ?
It was such a good memories that I had in the past recent years ago. Having many good friends who make my life seems brighter than I ever thinking is amazing. They are not mere friends like other, but they are an angel of my life who always encourage me did much goodness. We weren’t came from same ideology, but were engaged in the same purposes to change Indonesia better. The funny things were, every of us we were chasing the girl whom we fall in love and by the end of the story each of our heart was broken almost in the same time before graduation. However, by times always goes on we had to grow to be someone more valuable, even more we had to separate in many places.
Any Man had been divined to be someone who will lead somebody else as ‘the Khalifah’. After graduated from ITB, the destiny made us find the best pathway to reach our goal. We promised each other to develop ourselves to be a great leader in each of our working field.
Actually, I felt that I blessed by an accident work in German development company which I never imagine. Prior I plan to start a small company to begin my entrepreneurship career. Meanwhile, my close friends were hired by a mining company, and national company. The others are still pursuing their master degree. Ones start to build community development consultant.
I don’t know why since we start our new life as engineer (officially), feeling loneliness has been squeezing my heart. My eyes face much reality that I joked in the past. I feel like fighting the lack of governance by myself. I worry that Indonesia problem is too big to solve and too deep to leave out. Sometimes I feel jealous with anyone who enjoy millions dollar or rupiah without care with people fate. Sometimes I tempted to run away from my development working field and just chasing my capitalistic ambition, buying a big house, and sexy cars. What an American dream.
Many ideas, which is pop up to create and innovate something in my mind only able to store in my Idea bank.
Afterwards, university realm is too small to compare with the real life. While we were still in university we were really eager to counter government argument about fuel subsidy policy. After works in this German company, I just realized that I had argued Harvard and Berkeley economist alumni who advice the government without any fear. On the contrary, now I always think more than third time while I have to publish my ideas.
Basically, I am feeling nothing among this global works. Too many places I never see. Too many great teachers I never met. Too many questions I couldn’t answer. Too many problems I can’t solve.
Entering the best campus in Indonesia just made my head bigger than my body. Even I ever heard poetry said that ‘Sangkar emas takkan bisa membuat burung nuri menjadi rajawali’ which means ITB is too comfort and too far from reality. This contemplation encourages my willingness to reach another new habitats for learn something new in somewhere. Not only from certain academia, but also from people around the world.
On the other hand…
There are many evidences that I lack to move in the loneliness. The Friends whom I loved is the best energy to pursue many huge dreams. Furthermore, if there is somebody (friends) accompany me pursuing our dream, I believe that we will reach that easier. In fact, this is something I really expensive for me now.
I ever a bit a while complained to somebody who never can change my faith in the loneliness. I feel that Allah swt punished me with something sweet. But it was still punishment I think. I really regret about that and really want to fix everything that I loss.
I just realize that tackling our idleness to gain bright future in the loneliness would be worth it. This loneliness is just the way on how Allah teaching me to fight in the different way that I never did. Perhaps Allah is preparing me for something that really required in the future. What I could say is only, Alhamdulillah for any bless You ever gave to me.
Stay hungry, stay foolish, may Allah ease (really good quote from a friend of mine)
Achmad Faris Saffan Sunarya